I’m in the software industry by trade – but I do a number of other jobs on a “contract” basis. My contracts stipulate I will perform the assignments without argument or pay. (On rare occasion, I am allowed to roll my eyes and heave a sigh. However, I don’t often negotiate for those stipulations because the bargaining is usually more trouble than the benefits).
Most of my obligations are standing agreements – take out the trash when it’s full, be the last person to turn out all the lights, squish nasty spiders as needed, etc. That’s because all of my contract jobs come from my wife.
I used to find solace knowing some of my obligations were one-timers. I used to believe once certain jobs were finished I’d never have to do them again. However, I started to rethink that assumption when I realized a job I once thought of as a one-time engagement is actually just another long-standing agreement.
(Of course, that led me to ask the question, “What other jobs did I mistakenly assume were one-timers? More importantly I asked, “Why didn’t I ever read the fine print?” I sheepishly responded to myself, “Next time, get the contract in writing. Now quit wasting time talking to yourself. Get to work!”)
I am a cookie salesman. It’s my job to take the yearly Girl Scout cookie form to my place of employment and solicit as many employees as possible to buy corporately baked and distributed treats. I help my daughter make the Girl Scouts money. If my fellow employees buy lots of boxes, she makes her goal easily and I look like a hero. If the order list stays short… well, my pockets get a lot lighter.
Now, I’m not a good high-pressure salesman. Add to that an office culture which frowns on fundraisers (although we seem to get at least one a month). What you get is extreme reluctance to fulfill my contract. So why do I do it?
Of course, I want my daughter to succeed. (I’d also be happy to eliminate as much stress from my wallet as possible). But my commitment to this, and all my other standing jobs comes down to the one commitment with the microprint line, “…and all other tasks as assigned” I signed in September 1996 with the simple words, “I do.”
Anymore, people seem to skip over that first commitment they made to their spouse. I guess it’s easy to break a promise made to only one person. And that’s the mistake I think too many of us make.
As I thought about the trials my family faced last year and how we committed to each other to get through the difficult times, I came to realize the true significance – the strength as it were, within the vows my wife and I took almost 10-years ago. There’s more to it than just the two of us.
I read, or heard, or otherwise absorbed some information the last year about the history of the western wedding ceremony. At one time in the past, the wedding guests were considered more than just witnesses. The attendants, the parents, the guests, were all charged with protecting the newlywed couple. The witnesses weren’t only to ensure the couple remained committed to each other, but to also enact the marriage with society. (I guess you could say the witnesses were enforcers, making sure everyone outside their circle respected and honored the marriage).
And that’s what got me… the vows my wife and I spoke weren’t just promises to each other. I know the vows we spoke were a commitment to God, but I also began to see the depth of those promises. We made a pledge to our future.
My commitment to my wife doesn’t end with keeping my promise to her. It starts there, but it is fulfilled by honoring the family created by our union. My duty to my children recognizes that part of my wife living within each of them. Our family’s obligation to each other respects the families from which we came. And, our commitment to God acknowledges His presence in our family’s future (both immediate through our children’s children to their children, and so on).
So, I guess I may sigh a little bit when I get these assignments. But it’s only because I’m wrestling to shed a little more of my selfishness to honor those I love.